First, the weather, sure Florida is lovely in the winter, but who can stand the heat in the summer?
Secondly, these people down here are not exactly nice. I remember coming down to visit my mother a few years back. We went to the bank and were waiting in line for a teller. In the other section of the bank was a small waiting room. I watched an older couple come in, the woman was very agile, the man was hunched over and using a walker. All of the seats were taken. The woman motions to her husband to go get a chair from another area. I've got to give him credit, it was quite a feat to get that chair while holding onto his walker. He brings the chair back and sets it down and the woman promptly sits in it. Her husband stood holding on to his walker. No one got up to give him a chair. This is perfectly normal, my mother tells me.
And third, there I am standing near, very near, the hedge talking on my cell. I see a black rope or something entwined in the hedge, I peer over to get a better look...and SNAKE! Yikes, a black 3 foot long snake. It's a good thing the nurse is here because I thought I was having a heart attack. In Illinois, where it is safe, if you see a snake, you can rest assured, it probably isn't poisonous, but in Florida, I just didn't know. I called Mike. He says, as long as it's black, you are fine. So, I ask, there are poisonous snakes around here. Oh, yea, he says, stay away from the brown ones. Don't worry, I will, but what if they don't stay away from me?
As I get ready to head to bed, I decided to open the window. It's getting warm and I thought the breeze would be nice. Surprise, in between the window and the screen, there is a gecko. Well, I don't want it crawling on me during the night so I have to close the window. No problem, it seems to have scurried away. I gently close the window and when it is almost all the way down, I let go, it falls the rest of the way....yes, you guessed it...squish. Sorry, little guy.
Honey, we will not be retiring to south Florida. Sorry.
About 2 or 3 years ago on one of our many trips to North Carolina, we had just arrived, so I let the dogs out the back to run around the woods and scare all the wildlife. As I stood up on the deck looking down at the mess made by the bird and squirrel feeders, I spied something below and said, "That's a funny looking rock."
ReplyDeleteThen I realized, it was a large snake, curled up and sunning under the feeders in case any birds, squirrels or mice might wander by. With the dogs rampaging in the nearby woods, the snake looked up and started to .... rattle.
I started screaming and calling the dogs from my safe perch one story up on the deck. My father came out to see what all the uproar was about. "A snake! A snake! A snake!"
"Where's a snake?" He doesn't see as well as he once did. He walked down the stairs from the deck to under the feeders. Now the snake was really rattling.
"Dad! It's rattling!!!"
He's leaning right over the snake, peering down at it. "I don't hear it." Well, he doesn't hear much any more.
Now I really started freaking out - visions of the 25 mile trip down a winding mountain road to the nearest "hospital." (Ever seen "Appalachian Emergency" on SNL? That's it.)
I ran down the stairs with a long rake in hand - "For god's sake, use this!"
Too late, because at that point, he had already PICKED IT UP BY THE HEAD - like the Crocodile Hunter or something. That's right, my nearly-80 year old father is standing in the yard, holding a rattlesnake that he can barely see and definitely cannot hear by the head.
We have pictures.
Having said that, please consider North Carolina. If you don't live in the woods, you will see far fewer snakes - although you might see some. (They have bears up there in the mountains too - can't leave any food out on the back porch.)
Wildlife aside though, I can damn well guarantee you southern courtesy should anyone with a walker require an extra chair.